Kobe Bryant is a villain. Each NBA fan outdoors of Los Angeles is aware of this as truth and solely refrains from shouting it on the high of their lungs to avoid Temecula-based fisticuffs. However regardless of the mountains of anecdotal proof, we simply by no means had something tangible sufficient to show it. Now we do.
Be part of me, will not you, on an all-out dash by the misleading pillars of platform 9 three/four at Kings Cross Station in London. You are 11 years previous and have solely simply found your magical powers. You depart on the Hogwarts Specific and eagerly await the judgment of the Sorting Hat. A sentient hat able to trying deep inside your soul and categorizing you primarily based on the qualities most innate to your being.
Maybe you may land in Gryffindor, the place dwell the courageous at coronary heart. Extra of a bookworm? Then Ravenclaw is perhaps extra up your alley. Should you worth loyalty above all else, then Hufflepuff could be an amazing match. It ought to shock nobody to study that Kobe Bryant was sorted into none of those homes when he placed on the sorting hat. No, he discovered himself in Slytherin. And the kicker? He is HAPPY about it!
The charitable studying of this case is that Bryant possesses the qualities that Slytherin home purports to prize. He was bold sufficient to chase Michael Jordan for a complete profession. His crafty allowed him to depose allies/enemies like Shaquille O’Neal and Phil Jackson when the chance offered itself. I’m not feeling charitable.
Slytherin homes the unhealthy guys, and the similarities Bryant shares with the worst of the worst of the highly effective wizards, and fellow male sample baldness sufferer, Lord Voldemort, are positively staggering. Listed here are only a few:
- Voldemort is the descendant of Slytherin founder Salazar Slytherin. Bryant is the (rapid) descendant of former NBA participant Joe “Jellybean” Bryant. Each took on the legacies of their predecessors and pushed into daring new instructions.
- Voldemort retains a pet snake, Nagini. Bryant’s self-bestowed nickname is the Black Mamba, a kind of snake.
- Whereas we’re on the subject, Voldemort created his personal nickname too.
- Albus Dumbledore as soon as claimed that Voldemort by no means had a buddy, nor did he need one. Bryant literally told GQ that he was incapable of high-level friendship.
- Each had been prodigies. Bryant entered the NBA Draft as a youngster. Voldemort was already able to controlling his magic earlier than attending Hogwarts.
- Voldemort took excessive and unnatural steps in direction of immortality by creating Horcruxes. Bryant undertook quite a lot of uncommon remedies within the title of prolonging his profession, together with touring all the way in which to Germany for plasma wealthy platelet remedy not allowed by the FDA.
I am not saying some kind of NBA civil struggle is imminent. What I’m saying is that if one does come, you possibly can guess that Kobe might be main one of many sides and that he would achieve this with the identical gleeful smile on his face that he wears within the video above. Bryant is a villain, and he is completely happy about it. Now we all know for sure.